Friday, March 11, 2011

I Need a Hole to Crawl In

We must be approaching the 3 week mark because today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Kaili spent the afternoon with Averi and I and my patience was running on empty.  There wasn't even one specific thing that happened, just lots of little things that kept adding up.  That's when I reached my breaking point.

The only problem was that I couldn't allow myself to vent privately so that I could move on.  There is no privacy when you live in a hospital room.  I'm not a person who cries very often, (probably not enough, considering) but I just wanted to lock myself in my room, crawl under the covers, and have a good cry.  The pressure was overwhelming and I just wanted to run away for a few minutes to vent and recompose, but I couldn't.

I couldn't just leave my two kids in a public area unattended while I went searching for some refuge.  It was time to feed Averi and Kaili wanted something to do and the nurse was in and out the room doing vitals and wanting to talk.  I couldn't even make conversation and I barely got a smile out.

I hated the nurse at that moment.  I wanted to tell her to get out, lock the door behind her, turn off the camera in our room, and crawl into a hole where no one could find me with their list of my constant responsibilities.  But it didn't happen.
(At least Averi can sleep her way out of this craziness...yes that is a highchair.  If only I could do that.)

Finally, in desperation, I texted Dan and pleaded with him to come over as soon as possible.  Thankfully, he left work right away and came to relieve me.  Kaili and I left right after dinner and we both went straight to bed.  Hopefully I'll only have two more terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days before this circus is over.


Vanessa said...

A phone call to a listening and sympathetic ear can work wonders. If you need to give Kaili something to do for even just a minute, I, or Brooklyn, would love to talk to her on the phone.

Simply, Sarah said...

Why do they have a camera in her room?
They have one room here with a camera, but the camera is only to be used for patients treated with something specific (radiation or something else, don't remember).

Lauren in GA said...

Aw, Tiffany...I'm sorry. I can only imagine all that you are going through.

I wish you could have kicked the nurse in the know...just for fun.