Friday, October 15, 2010

Throw up

Poor Averi!  The effects of chemo are finally setting in.

Yesterday Dan took the day off work to sit with Averi while I went with Kaili on her field trip.  It is now official that whenever I leave bad things happen.  Dan called at 9:00 in the morning to inform me that Averi had just thrown up her entire breakfast.

She continued to throw up throughout the morning but finally calmed down after they gave her some medicine.  When Kaili and I got here for dinner she looked pale and had bags under her eyes but was playing and handling her pump feeds at a really slow rate.

Averi looked really tired so I put her to bed expecting a restful night that would help her feel better.  Wrong!  She threw up 4 more times between 10:30 and 1:00.  Finally the nurse gave her a different medicine that would help with the nausea and had a side effect of sleepiness...thank goodness.

She made it to 7:00 this morning before the medicine wore off and she got sick a couple more times.  The poor thing was just restless all night and I woke up every time she coughed and ran to the bed to make sure she wasn't laying in puke.  Fortunately she is still 'sleeping' now.

I have to admit that this brought on my first melt down.  I know she feels awful and I just feel so helpless.  There's nothing I can do but change her sheets, wipe her down, and rub her back.  Why does she have to go through all this?  Her life is hard enough, why does she have to feel like crap too?

It's not even that I'm bitter about the short straw she's been handed in life, I've accepted that.  I'm just tired of not being able to make things better for her.  I feel so incapable.  She's my daughter and I love her so much and I should be able to kiss it all better.  Isn't that what mom's do?


Brandy @ Gluesticks said...

Poor Averi! I thought for sure that since she was being given the medicine that she'd sleep well for you last night. There's nothing worse than having a sick child in the night. They might be able to get a little sleep, but Mommy sure doesn't. Hopefully you can both get some rest today and while your parents are here. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you guys :(

Brandy @ Gluesticks said...

Oh, and another thing...(I should have just called you) are AMAZING. Your first meltdown? That is incredible. Averi needs a mother like you. You are strong, always there, knowing what to do (even if it doesn't fix it completely) to get through to the next part of treatment. Hang in there and know that we all think you are doing an amazing job.

Stephanie said...

Poor little Averi! It breaks my heart that she's having a rough time and you had a meltdown. You know what? She can feel you love and sympathy and she's probably thinking that she needs to work harder to impress you with her pt and ot skills...hence, the dancing in the chair. :) You are an amazing mom and your family is an inspiration to ours. Keeping you in our prayers. Love you.

Ellen said...

Hang in there. Little Averi is such a fighter and you guys are such good parents. Just the fact that you are there changing her sheets and wiping her down makes so much of a difference.

Lauren in GA said...

It stands to reason that you feel the way you do. We moms want to make it all better. I wish I could be with you to cry with you during your meltdowns. I am so sorry that she is suffering and that you are, too. I really feel like she knows that you are there for her and that rubbing her back really does soothe her in ways that you may not feel it does. I'm sorry that it is so hard. I have only had to sleep in the hospital a handful of times and each time I found that I NEVER got the sleep I needed. I love you.

Tina said...

That really is one of the worst things about being in the mother profession. Feeling helpless when your kids are sick. I'm thankful that you are being taken care of there at the hospital. It would be so much harder if this was happening at home. Adorable dancing BTW, and I loved to hear your giggle too. I'm always thinking of you, but not in a stalker kind of way.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing Tiffany. We are praying for you Averi and your family. Hugs. Talked to your mom today (Sunday).