On the first of every month the interns and medical students rotate what floor they work on. This was really sad news the first time it happened (back in November) because we really, really liked both the intern and med student who were assigned to Averi. None of the ones we've had since have measured up, but the med student that walked into our room this morning takes the cake!
Let me set the stage. Averi is asleep at 8:00am. The lights are off (after I turned them off because the night PCA keeps leaving the light on when she leaves the room...I'm not annoyed), the blinds are closed, and I am quietly sitting in a chair with the computer. The med student, we'll call her Idiot, walks in and announces who she is from across the room.
After whispering answers at her and having her loudly say, "What?!" I finally decided that she was not getting the hint to be quiet. The following conversation commenced:
Idiot: How is she feeling today? Is she feeling better?
Me: Fine. She's not throwing up any more, so that's an improvement at least.
Idiot: Is she eating alright? Does she have a G-Tube?
Me: Yes, she does and her appetite is fine.
Idiot: Does she use her G-Tube or does she just eat orally?
Me: She does both. (Why would she have a G-Tube if she didn't use it?)
Idiot: (Prepare yourself, this is the best part) Do you think she's ready to go home?
Me: Um...She can't, her ANC is still going down and then it has to come back up. (Her stupidity caught me by surprise. Had I known it was coming I would have responded with a "Yes, can we pack up and go home today?")
Idiot: Can I listen to her? (She then loudly pulls the side of the crib down.) Does she have a central line? (said loudly while still hovering over my sleeping baby) What side is it on?
Me: She has a broviac on her right side. (Why haven't you left yet?)
She did finally leave, but not before Averi was wide awake.
I now have a few questions of my own. Did you look at her file before you so loudly galloped into our room? Do you even know what kind of cancer Averi has if you don't know that we have to be here for several more weeks for count recovery? Do I think she is ready to go home? Seriously?
Do you have kids of your own? Do you not see that my baby is sleeping and you are waking her up? Is there no dignity? Maybe when I inform you about her entire medical history I should let you know that she has Down Syndrome, too.
I digress. By the time she left the room, I was laughing so hard I had to call Dan and repeat the entire conversation. It should be a very entertaining next 28 days!