Sunday, April 3, 2011


Today was not the day I once envisioned, not even close.  It marks exactly 6 months from the first day Averi was admitted for chemotherapy on October 3.

Back then we were naive enough to believe that her treatment plan of six 28 day cycles was a promise.  I had every hope that she would be walking out of the hospital right about now, cancer free.

Back then we looked at 6 months and thought about how hard we thought it would be and decided half a year was doable.  Now that is just a dream.

So where is Averi on the day that marks the supposed end of her run with chemo?  Sitting in a hospital room, hooked up to an oxygen tank, with another 2 treatments (and at least 2 months) left to endure.

No one is ever prepared for the news that a loved one has cancer, but they are even less prepared for how their future will be changed from that point on.  You lose all control of reality and the ability to make decisions or plan anything.  You just hang in limbo until a stranger that you have trusted with your loved one's life declares that you are free to go.

It probably also doesn't help that it's my birthday and I only got to spend a few hours of it with all four of us together.  Averi was discharged around 2 today when she proved that she could keep her O2 close to 100 without the added oxygen.  Why they didn't just keep her and start the next round of chemo (her ANC was 1102) is beyond me.  I'm just so anxious to get this '6 months' over and done with.
(After all that discouragement, here is a cute pic of the girls hanging out on Friday before the coughing began.)


Lauren in GA said...

I started crying when I read how she has two treatments, "left to endure". That phrase, "left to endure" really got me.

Thanks for the picture. I love how Averi smiles at the camera all the time.

Runningmama said...

I totally understand and I pray things go faster from here till the end of chemo. Emily started chemo back in Sept and we still have one more round so by the time we finish our last round in May it will have been about 8 months.