I had a moment with Averi today. She was starting to get drowsy while I was giving her a bottle. Kaili had gone upstairs to play and the quiet gave me too much time to sit and think. As I leaned over her highchair with my arm propped up on the armrest, she began aimlessly playing with my fingers as she sucked on the bottle. It made me remember how Kaili used to cuddle into me and play with my shirt and hands while she nursed.
I have already accepted that Averi will never nurse (that was a hard reality) but today just reminded me how much I loved it. There’s a closeness that only moms get to experience when they breastfeed their babies and I realized that this, crouched over a highchair with her hand in mine, was the closest thing I was ever going to get.
I teared up as I felt joy to be able to share this moment with her and then felt sad that this moment was worthy of such strong emotions. I love Averi SO much and she brings such joy to our lives but I often have to sit back and remind myself that she doesn’t and won’t ever live what some people would deem a ‘normal’ life. I am so grateful that she is a part of my life and I am a part of hers, no matter what obstacles get in our way.