Down?

Aggghhh!!!!  We went in today with every expectation that Averi would be well over 1,000 and we would be admitted some time later this week.  Why have I still not learned that setting expectations will only lead to disappointment?

Not only was her ANC not at 1,000, but it had some how gone down to 648 (from 750 last week).  For some reason, a week is a good amount of time to wait for her counts to change, so we will go back in again next Tuesday.

The doctor assured me that it's not bad that her counts went down since they only went down a little, the rest of her counts are fine, and her platelets are normal all on their own (her original problem when she was first diagnosed).  She also explained, after loads of questioning, that she doesn't think it will take this long for Averi to recover after every cycle but that this cycle was harder on her than the other ones will be.  I asked how close to 1,000 she has to be to start the next cycle and the answer was 1,000, so there won't be any cut corners to start early.

I know how silly it must sound that I complain about wanting to go home and then complain about wanting to go back to the hospital, but I just want to be done with all this.  If she has to have treatments over the holidays then she should at least be able to enjoy the summer a little bit.

I feel like every week we spend waiting for Averi to recover is one more week this summer that we are stuck in the hospital and one more week added on to the '6 month treatment plan' we were originally given.  She hasn't even started cycle 3 and she's been going at it for over 3 months now.

My type A personality can't handle not having set dates.  If I knew we were going to be home for a month, at least I could prepare for it and make the most of it, even if I wasn't completely happy with it.  This week to week, never knowing what's going to happen next life style just might be the end of me.  So, once again, Aggghhhh!

In 'trying to make the most of our time at home' news, I might have taken Averi out in the snow for few minutes this weekend. :)  She LOVED it!

She wouldn't look up from the snow, so the only decent picture I could get required me laying on the ground.  Maybe next year she'll be allowed to experience it a little more.